Lab notes
Stupid science generator
Three terrible experiments from the lab. Do not try these at home, at work, or near anyone with grant funding.
🐱 Can You Train a Cat to Code?
Hypothesis: Cats already walk on keyboards, so with proper guidance, they should learn Python.
Method: Set up a keyboard, place cat in front of it, and reward every valid syntax attempt with treats.
Results: The cat deleted three files, opened a tuna website, and produced one npm package.
Conclusion: Cats are already better at JavaScript than most developers.
🚗 Can You Parallel Park Using Only Theoretical Physics?
Hypothesis: If Schrödinger’s cat can exist in two states at once, then a car can be both parked and not parked until observed.
Method: Explain quantum superposition to the examiner while gently mounting the kerb.
Results: The vehicle was indeed in multiple positions, none of them legal.
Conclusion: Physics is not a substitute for steering.
📡 Can You Improve WiFi by Yelling "Enhance" at It?
Hypothesis: Movie hackers always yell "ENHANCE!" to improve blurry images, so it should work on WiFi signals too.
Method: Stand next to the router and dramatically yell "Enhance!" while pointing at it.
Results: No improvement in WiFi signal, but significant decrease in household respect.
Conclusion: WiFi does not respond to verbal commands.