Lab notes
Stupid science generator
Three terrible experiments from the lab. Do not try these at home, at work, or near anyone with grant funding.
🧲 Can Magnets Fix Your Life?
Hypothesis: If magnets can attract metal, surely they can attract stability, happiness, and financial success.
Method: Carry an industrial magnet everywhere and see if life improves.
Results: No improvement in personal circumstances, but many stolen cutlery items.
Conclusion: Magnets only attract metal, not personal fulfillment.
📡 Can You Improve WiFi by Yelling "Enhance" at It?
Hypothesis: Movie hackers always yell "ENHANCE!" to improve blurry images, so it should work on WiFi signals too.
Method: Stand next to the router and dramatically yell "Enhance!" while pointing at it.
Results: No improvement in WiFi signal, but significant decrease in household respect.
Conclusion: WiFi does not respond to verbal commands.
🐱 Can You Train a Cat to Code?
Hypothesis: Cats already walk on keyboards, so with proper guidance, they should learn Python.
Method: Set up a keyboard, place cat in front of it, and reward every valid syntax attempt with treats.
Results: The cat deleted three files, opened a tuna website, and produced one npm package.
Conclusion: Cats are already better at JavaScript than most developers.